UNBREAK MY HEART – EPISODE 29 (FINAL)

“Love cannot endure indifference. It needs to be wanted. Like a lamp, it needs to be fed out of the oil of another’s heart, or its flame burns low.” – Henry Ward Beecher

EPISODE FINALE

In the house, Valerie strutted off to do whatever with Toinette and Chidinma, leaving him mercifully alone to shower. The second he was in the safety of his bedroom, Nathan heaved out a hot breath.

Thankful he’d left the air conditioner on, he turned it up. He needed to cool his head, chill his drumming hot blood. Geez! Just one look at her and he’d gone mindless… pitiful.

Tossing off his clothes, he gratefully dived into the shower, allowing the cold water to cool, calm and soothe his spiking nerves.

He was dragging on a black cotton slacks when a tentative knock came from the door. He knew it was Valerie. He turned to stare at her, feeling like the man again, as she sashayed into the room.

Valerie felt a little unnerved seeing him bare-chested. Dang, he looked so utterly… manly.

A wave of heat skimmed through her as she watched him drag on the forest-green T-shirt he’d picked from the closet.
Managing to remain aloof, she ambled over to the black leather sofa and gratefully dropped into it.

This wasn’t her first time in his bedroom. They’d kissed and cuddled in here a couple of times, so why was she beginning to feel somewhat… stifled?

“Everyone is at the dining table.” she said in a chatty voice. “But I don’t think they’ll be waiting for you… or me for that matter.” She gave a cheery laugh. “The veggie sauce looked too delicious for any such delays.”

Nathan gave a perfunctory nod. “Okay.” It pleased him to see her all flustered and nervous, yeah he’s certainly the man.

“It’s a little windy outside, looks like it’s going to rain.” She chattered on. “I didn’t bring a nightwear…” She laughed, it sounded a little breathless. “I mean I didn’t really plan to stay. But with the rain coming and all…” She gave another laugh, her voice trailing off.

“I’m sure Chidinma can find you something to wear… should it rain.”

He sounded so cool, so controlled. “Of course. Should it rain and I’m forced to stay.”

Nathan stifled a chuckle.

She tossed him a quick glance at the muffled sound. But he was just sitting there on the perfectly made bed, saying nothing more, just watching her with.

She got to her feet, restless of a sudden. Strolled towards him, and halted just at the edge of the bed.

“I travelled to Asaba. Went for my Uncle Emeka’s burial ceremony.” She told him quietly, eyes glued to his face.

“I know.”

The quiet response didn’t surprise, she knew Kike had told him. “I decided to after Mama Bee came over and talked sense into me.” She laughed, it sounded hoarse and brittle.

Nathan said nothing, just continued watching her.

“I went on Thursday, stayed for the wake-keep and then the internment service.” She went on diffidently. “I actually stayed longer than I’d planned… only returned yesterday afternoon.”

“And how was it?”

“Fine, I guess.” She gave a soft laugh. “Like wake-keeps and burials usually are, this side of the world – huge party, eating, drinking, dancing – the usual celebration of a life well spent.”

His lips curved in a small smile. “I meant seeing your aunt – your Uncle’s wife and cousins, other relatives. How was it for you?”

She saw the concern in the dark eyes. And her eyes brimmed, of course he’d been worried about her.

“It wasn’t what I’d prepared myself for.” She began quietly. “It was much more. It was so… unexpected. So like a… miracle.” She edged closer. “I saw my father’s cousin first, Aunty Ofunne. And it just hit me… that all the anger and bitterness were pointless, irrelevant. And in that instant, everything changed.”

Nathan watched as she dropped down beside him. Her eyes spoke more to him – the light and life in them – told him she had changed.

“Aunty Buchi, Uncle Emeka’s wife, took one look at me and broke down and cried.” She shook her head, still marvelled by it all. “We all cried. My cousins, Aunty Buchi, Aunty Ofunne, everyone. Somehow you could see, just see how unexpected my coming was.” She laughed.

It was a soft sound – free and soft.

He understood the freedom.

“It felt good to be inside my father’s house, my grandmother’s bedroom.” The tears shone in her eyes. “It felt good to be in that yard again… to be around them again.”

Valerie stopped and looked into his eyes, saw the soft smile around his lips. “I am sorry.” She said softly.
Instantly the guarded expression returned to his eyes.

“I am very sorry. I behaved badly. I acted rashly, thoughtlessly, insensitively.”

Nathan shook his head, the hurt still there at the background. “You threw my love back in my face. You tossed it aside like it was… nothing. You hurt me.”

The hurt was now visible in his dark eyes.

Valerie saw it and somehow it hurt her that she’d been responsible for it. “I am really sorry for that. For treating your love like it was nothing… like it meant nothing to me.” She bit her lips as she felt the tears threaten.

“Your love means everything. It is everything to me. It is my strength and my support.” She looked down at her hands, clasped and unclasped them. “Your love… so freely given, is absolutely everything to me.”

Nathan almost stretched out his hand to wipe away the tears that trickled down her cheeks. But he held back. He needed her to understand, to know that yes he loved her but she was never to take that love for granted and he needed her love too. Needed to hear her say it too.

“Love is a free gift Valerie, but should never be taken for granted or seen as a weakness.”

She shook her head. “I know. And I do not think you weak or less of a man because you love me and tell me continuously without my responding alike.” She drew closer to him, took his right hand. They felt warm.

“Forgive me.” She said simply. “I love you.” Her eyes held his in a steady warm gaze. “I love you… with all my heart.”

A glow of warmth filled Nathan. The hurt and pain slid from his eyes. He’d so longed to hear those words and they came now washing him with their heat and fervour.

Valerie saw his eyes brighten and glow with pure love. She felt herself lighten and glow under their warm gaze.

“I love you.” She said again, her lips curved in a smile. “I love you so, so much. I’ve loved you for a long time now. I was just too scared to tell you, too afraid to be so vulnerable.” She touched his cheeks. “But I can now. I can say it now – I love you.”

“And about bloody time too.” He laughed. He drew her into his arms, held her for a minute. Let their heartbeats drum and beat together – a unified force.

Then he pushed back, looked into her eyes and then whispered those words she’d never tire of hearing. “I love you. I always will. Forever and always – I love you.”

He ran his hands, slowly and gently down her arms and stopped at her waist. Valerie gave an involuntary quiver as a slow trail of current slaked through her.

His eyes held hers, dark pools of love and passion that looked into her very soul and seemed to lead the way into his own soul.

Her breath hitched as he leaned in toward her, his heaving chest pressing lightly against her breasts. She could feel his heart, hopping and thudding like a fast-moving train.

And like the sensual feeling of soft musical lyrics, her entire body tingled when his mouth closed over hers.
Nathan tasted her like he’d never done before – slowly, ardently, reverently… possessively. With his tongue and lips he claimed her as his own.

Valerie felt raw, vibrant passion rush through her. It was tortuously intense and strong. She revelled in its power and strength. As his tongue intertwined and rolled with hers, she tasted the promise – of love, constancy, fidelity – of forever.

This here was the healing she needed. The perfect touch that can remould the broken pieces of her heart.
Lightly grazing his teeth over her lower-lip, he drew back gently kissing her temple, her brows and her dainty nose.

“Marry me.” He said softly.

Valerie’s eyes flustered open, amazement shining through them.

Then her lips curved in a mischievous smile. “Well, about bloody time too.” She said cheekily.

“I will take that as a yes.” Nathan laughed.

“Make that a yes, yes and a forever YES.” Valerie told him, grinning widely.

He kissed beaming mouth. “God, I can’t wait to make you truly mine.” He breathed. “I haven’t been able to think straight since you slammed your smouldering hot body into mine.”

“You slammed into me, Mister.” She poked him on the chest.

“Yeah, I may have slammed into your body that day, but you slammed your way straight into my heart, the minute you froze me up with the snotty, frosty tone.” He nibbled her lips. “I’m a sucker for frosty, bone-chilling, husky voices.”

Valerie felt the shivers glide down her back as he nibbled and teased. “Just so we are clear… you are yet to slam into my body.” She told him in a provocative whisper.

Nathan gave a low groan at the tantalizing, throaty whisper. “Just give me a couple of months to make things right and then you’ll be having your fill of me really slamming my way, slowly and permanently into you.”

“I’ll never have my fill of you.” She whispered, eyes sultry and promising.

“And that is a promise I plan to hold you to… forever.” He gave her a last kiss, then grabbed her hands. “How about us going downstairs and you practicing your wife duties by serving me my dinner?” He asked with a devious wink.

“Just said yes and he’s already acting bossy.” She smacked him on the ass. “How typically African.”

Nathan gave a lusty laugh. “Ha, grabbing my ass indecently at last.” He whispered lasciviously. “Hmm, I love bold, brazen women.”

Valerie threw back her head in a hearty laugh.

He watched her gorgeous face crinkle in laughter and felt like the luckiest man in the world. “I love you, Valerie Chibuike, you light up my life.”

He took her lips in a lingering, toe-curling kiss, before opening the door and hand-in-hand, they strolled together down the stairs.

Valerie felt everything settle inside of her and she knew that she was finally home.

THE END.

***This way-too-long love story has finally come to an end. I sincerely thank the richardcypherayitey.blogspot.com for giving me the opportunity to share my story here. I above all thank and would remain grateful to all who diligently followed this story in spite of it taking so long to come to an end.

UNBREAK MY HEART – EPISODE 28

“True love is felonious… You take someone’s breath away… You rob them of the ability to utter a single word… You steal a heart.” – Jodi Picoult.

EPISODE TWENTY-EIGHT

Valerie lightly tapped the open-panel glass door. She needn’t have bothered, for barely a moment later the door slid open and a smiling Toinette flung herself into her arms.

“Aunty Valerie.” She screeched happily. “It’s so nice to see you. It’s been so long. Dad said you travelled to Asaba on some family business.” Then giving Valerie a head-to-toe scrutiny, she rolled her eyes. “My oh my, you look so beautiful. And nice shoes too.” She eyed the carton-coloured wedge sandals.

Valerie lips widened into a happy smile as the nineteen-to-the dozen-talking Toinette literally dragged her inside.
Damn, she’d missed this. This ever-chirpy, excited voice. This cool, charming spacious house… everything. This soothing feeling of being… home.

She smiled down at the chattering Toinette. She was now giving her the load down on every one’s whereabouts.

“Grandma has gone out to visit Nana, they are having some kind of meeting over there and she’d be sleeping over.” She shrugged as she supplied the last bit of info. “Uncle Udochi is in his room attending to some private matter – I believe that would be watching football.”

Valerie chuckled at the knowing smirk on her lips.

“Effi, I’m sure you saw at the gate – in a hurry to get the diesel he’d forgotten to buy earlier.” She continued cheerfully. “Aunty Sochi and Chidinma are in the kitchen getting ready to serve dinner. “ She gave her a conspiratorial wink. “Which of course is why I’m taking my time welcoming you.”

Valerie laughed at her naughty and mischievous mind. “And your daddy, where is he?”

“Ha, daddy?” She rolled her eyes dramatically. “Outside, viciously weeding the flower beds and talking to the grasses.” Clear emphasis was laid on the ‘talking’.

“Talking to the… grasses? What do you mean?”

“Don’t ask me, Aunty Valerie, I’m as puzzled as you are o. All I have is an eye-witness report.”

“Aha.” Valerie’s brows arched shrewdly. “And could we take this eye-witness report to the kitchen.” Raising her hand to stop the next flow of words. “So I can say hello to Aunty Sochi and Chidinma.”

“Ha… okay.” Toinette agreed with a nod, leading the way to the kitchen.

The delicious aroma of fresh-fish tomato sauce hit her nostrils, tantalizing them the minute she stepped into the kitchen.

“Aunty Valerie!” Chidinma shrieked excitedly. “You are back.”

Aunty Sochi raised her head from the sauce she was dishing out. “Hey, look who finally remembered us today.” She smiled warmly.

“Haba, Aunty Sochi, I was here barely ten days ago.” Valerie protested.

“Today is the eleventh day o.” Toinette quipped. “I’ve been diligently counting the days.”

“Thank you, brilliant mathematician.” Valerie pulled her braided hair. “Anyway I’m here to see you guys now.”

“To see us or to see Uncle Nathan?” Chidinma gave her an outrageous wink. “Because you are looking real hot.”

“Ah, I thought the same thing when I saw her too.” Toinette added. “Can this hot dressing just …”

“Shush!” Aunty Sochi snapped out, giving the two girls a frowning stare. “Fashion Police, who asked you?”

Valerie felt flushed all over, these 21st century children, they know way too much.

“Anyway, since the nosey parkers have uncovered your secret,” Aunty Sochi continued, smiling mischievously now. “You can go outside and get the grumpy Nathan inside before he goes from talking to the weeds to actually eating them.”

Valerie gave an embarrassed chuckle. “This house is filled with mischievous troublemakers.” She feigned a long-suffering sigh. “I wonder now why I missed you guys so much.”

“That’s because we’re absolute fun to be with.” Toinette inclined her head wisely, smiling broadly.

“Yeah right. Anyway, I’ll go call him in.” Valerie tried to sound a little off-handed. “Tell him that dinner is about to be set.”

“Uh hmm.” Aunty Sochi gave her a knowing smile. “And as they say in the movies, knock him dead.”

Valerie escaped through the back before she got more audacious rejoinders.

“And talking about movies…” Aunty Sochi turned to the giggling girls, hands on her waist. “I’m beginning to think you two watch way too many of them.” She narrowed her eyes at their innocent stares. “We have to do something about that.”

****

Valerie walked noiselessly towards the hot, sweating, dark athletic figure, bent over the flower beds, watering can in hand. Even from a distance she could see the seductive outline of toned muscled hands and legs, and oh yeah, and the really nice, firm butt. She shamelessly ogled the blood-heating image before her.

First time she’d seen him, he’d been bending over too, after slamming into her. Her errant wild mind wondered what it would be like having him slam into her, butt naked. She almost giggled aloud at the crazy wild images that ran through her vivid mind.

First things first, get him back, get the ring on the finger, then get him naked.

Stopping a few feet away, she said in a husky, cool voice. “Good evening.”

For the second time in one evening, Nathan found himself jerking back in shock. The watering can behind him went down, thankfully it was empty this time. But the can in his hand had clanged to the floor and splashed water all over him.

He swore violently. Spurn around to blast whoever thought creeping on him was a fun idea. The irritable words forcing their way out his mouth just slammed back into his throat at the sight of Valerie.

She was standing there, hands loosely crossed just below her tummy, holding unto black, crocodile-skin clutch purse. Looking at him with smoky, intense light-brown eyes, maple pink luscious lips curved slightly in a sultry smile.

“Good evening, Nathan.” Valerie repeated voice still husky, eyes still smoky.

“Ah… err… hi… ha, good evening.” For Christ’s sakes, he was stuttering. He should be making her stutter, not doing the stuttering.

“I didn’t hear you creeping up on me.” He scowled. Doing his best not to let her see how her well-planned attire was affecting him.

The little devil, she knew he had a weakness for her flawlessly smooth, long legs. It’s the only sane explanation why she’d come clad in this way-above-the-knee dress, looking so utterly… alluring.

The body-hugging cotton, rich blue-mix print dress, seemed like a second skin, accentuating temptingly her curvaceous figure. And the shimmering silver and gold double strand necklace she had round her neck, fell down the front of the dress, burrowing tantalizingly just at the tip of her slightly visible, supple cleavage.

Women, he thought bitterly, they treated you shabbily. Dug out your still beating heart from inside of you, threw it on the floor and squashed it with their heels. And still sashay over, looking all sexy and seductive, wanting you to be the one to stutter and grovel.

The evening air suddenly went all hot and smouldering.

“Sorry if I jolted you.” Valerie apologised, eyes twinkling. “And sorry I didn’t call before coming, thought a surprise would be pleasant.”

Pleasant indeed. “Oh, okay.” He turned to pick up the watering cans, trying to get back his bearing. “Em, I’m through here.” He faced her now, eyes a little cool, voice a little aloof. “I need a shower.”

Valerie smiled winsomely. “But of course, you must be feeling… hot. Besides, Aunty Sochi said to tell that dinner is set.”

Nathan tugged the collar of the grey T-shirt. He badly needed the cool comfort of his shower.

He gestured for her to go ahead, he didn’t want her erotic perfume draining the blood of his near bloodless head.

UNBREAK MY HEART – EPISODE 27

“The emotion that can break your heart is sometimes the very one that heals it…” – Nicholas Sparks.

EPISODE TWENTY-SEVEN

She hadn’t returned on Sunday as she’d planned to. She’d had to stay two more days after the funeral – just meeting with family members, from both sides of the family. People she hasn’t seen or spoken with in years.

On Wednesday morning, she and Aunty Maryanne had rejoined the God is Good Motors back to Lagos. The five and half hours on the road had been spent like that early hours of the morning, in companionable chat and laughter. They’d parted ways at Berger when she’d gotten down from the bus, with promises of calls and visits.

Right now, she was sprawled out on her bed, eating the chicken and chips Kike had brought along. Mama Bee had given her one more the day off, had told her over the phone, to relax and rest before getting back to work tomorrow.

And Kike had dunked out of the office to spend that day of rest and relaxation with her. And of course to get the upfront gist of all that had transpired during her first visit home after more than a decade and half.

“Totally like something out of some Nollywood home-video – girl abandoned after parents and brother’s untimely demise, goes home after more than fifteen years, all grown up and rich.” Kike winked dramatically making Valerie laugh. “Rich here of course is relative… since you are not doing badly at all.”

“Of course not.” Valerie played along, amused.

“Meet the family all poverty stricken and begging …”

Valerie laughed at the exaggeration.

“Of course in this case, they were not poverty stricken …

“Or even poor at all for that matter.”

Kike waved off her rejoinder. “So they were not poor but there was definitely some begging. So like always the proverbial rejected stone became the corner stone.”

“And like all Nollywood home-videos it begs for a romantic end – girl returns to her true love, who had been by her side all through the dark days, and they get married and live happily ever-after. The end.”

“Ha, so you are my true love who was by my side all through the dark days, huh?’

“Good heavens, no.” Kike laid down her glass of juice. “We are Nigerians for Christ’s sakes and still go for the traditional man/woman TV love affair. So, though I consider myself the best friend who was there, is always there, will always be there …”

Valerie laughed at her dramatic head twists.

“Me thinks Nathaniel Abayomi-Phillips is your true love, though had not always been there, but since he came on the scene, he has been a constant, strong fixture.”

“He hasn’t called since last week Tuesday.” Valerie said in a small voice, eyes clouding. “Not even a single text message.”

“Well, it’s kind of expected, since you so expressly tossed his love back in his face and walked him out of your apartment.” Kike responded dryly.

“I was angry, hurt and feeling bitchy.” Valerie excused, stung that her best friend was apparently taking Nathan’s side. “And it’s been a week for Christ’s sakes. And I didn’t toss his love back in his face …” At Kike’s arched brows, she capitulated. “Okay, maybe I did… but still, not a word for one week?” She pouted.

Kike watched as Valerie’s eyes clouded and filmed with tears. She sighed, why do we always make love so hard, when it really is so simple, huh?

“Girl, you did the crime, so do the time.” She told her in a candid voice. “You love this man.” When Valerie’s head shot up, she laughed.

“Valerie, you are head over-heels in love with Nathan, you and I know it. Yes, he hasn’t called in a week, so? You hurt him, so maybe he’s still licking his wounds, in private. You go to him, apologise and tell him, finally, that you love him and let’s get that happily-ever-after ending.”

“You mean go beg him?”

“I mean good old ass-kissing grovelling.”

Valerie considered for a moment, lips pursed, eyes narrowed, she could do that. She should do that. “Of course this does require the right dress, no?” She said aloud, winking.

“Naturally.” Kike’s lips curved

“The right underwear, maybe?”

Her eyes twinkled. “But of course.”

“The right make-up, surely?”

Her teeth showed as she grinned. “And the right Modus Operandi. Get into the bathroom, girl, wash yourself thoroughly and use that sweet-smelling bathe gel generously. I will be here, laying out your air-tight plan.”

Valerie tossed off her clothes, dashed into the bathroom. Ah Nate Phillips doesn’t have a prayer, he’d be the one grovelling by the time she’d been rightly primped, preened and touched up by Kike.

****

Nathan was bent over the flower bed, irritably separating the wheat from the tares. You plant one thing, something else comes along with total disregard for your hard work and fills the whole place with their unwanted selves.

“Goddamn weeds.” He muttered under his breath. “I bet you just think I should forgo all my efforts and hard work and get out of here leaving you to take over and ruin the beautiful garden I’d planted, right?”

“And don’t you dare tell me you had no choice, that someone else planted you in my garden.” He glared at the green plant whatever-its-name-was that he’d just viciously pulled out. “You had a choice, mister, a choice between destroying something so beautiful and just… dying.” He tossed the rather unfortunate weed to the ground.

He went determinedly for the next weed, muttering and cursing it as he violently dragged and pulled.

“Daddy? Were you just talking to that… grass?”

Nathan jerked backward, knocking over the watering can.

Toinette shoulders shook as she laughed. “Oh God, dad are you alright?”

He brushed off the leaves and sand that stuck to the bum of his Khaki shorts. But he could do nothing about the wetness. “Yeah, I’m alright. Just nearly had a heart attack, that’s all.”

Toinette bit her lips to stop further laughter, her father didn’t look or sound amused at all. She’d laugh later when she narrated the story to Aunty Sochi. “Sorry. Let me help you dust those off.” She walked around to help dust off his wet and now dirty Khaki bottom.

Nathan brushed off her hand. “Absolutely unnecessary.” He dropped down to his knees again. “Did you want something?”

“Ah, nothing really.” Toinette watched silently for a moment as her father pulled out weed after weed with so much energy and violence. “Em, dad, should I like… maybe get you the trowel to help dig out the grasses?”

“No. My hands are doing just fine.”

She nodded. Oh they were doing very well alright, yanking out the grasses. And boy, were they in trouble, she felt almost sorry for the unfortunate grasses as she watched her father tug out and toss off.

“So how may I help you, young lady?” Nathan asked a little too brusquely, not really happy with the interruption.

“Ha, nothing o.” Toinette shrugged her slim shoulders. “I just wanted to know if I should get you a glass of water. Though the sun has receded, but still you are sweating profusely and I guess you must be thirsty.”

Nathan wasn’t in the least fooled by the concerned placating tone. “No. Thank you.”

“Or better still a glass of pineapple juice?”

“Antoinette, you don’t need a new pair of shoes for your trip to Accra with your grandmother.”

She sighed. She should have known better. When you see your father talking like a loony to a lifeless grass, that should simply tell you to change all plans of placating and persuading. She blamed herself for forgetting that unwritten rule.

“What? Dad, who was talking about new shoes for the trip?” And she wouldn’t be Toinette if she gave up so easily.

“No. I was just being a loving daughter looking out for her father, sha.”

Nathan shook his head. Women, irrespective of their age, they were forever seeking to twist a man round their little fingers.

“Oh well, I should leave you now and go help Aunty Sochi with dinner.” And definitely re-strategize, she thought as turned back towards the side back door. “Should you need anything, anything at all, just holler and I’ll be right here.”

Nathan held the weed he’d just dug out as he listened to his daughter walk back to the house.

God, what does a thirteen year old need a brand new sandals for, just for an holiday trip to Accra? He tossed down the weed, wondering if fifteen years from now, Toinette would be tugging and twisting the insides of an innocent man just the way Valerie was doing to him? Well, he sure hoped so.

He missed her. So much. Too much.

She’d been cruel and insensitive. But still, he missed her.

She’d practically tossed his love in his face. Yet, he loved her.

She hadn’t called or even texted since her trip to Asaba. He’d only heard of the trip from Kike. She hadn’t bothered to tell him she’d decided to go. He guessed she was waiting for him to call first, as ladies are wont to do after a fight with their man.

Well, he hadn’t called or texted too. But he’d longed to. Desperately wanted to. It had been a hard, tough, torture. But he’d managed to stand his ground – a man needed some kind of pride, at times.

But it wasn’t just pride that had kept him from calling, he thought as he dug out some weed less violently. It wasn’t just winning the who-calls-first-war – he liked to think he was too much of a man to fall into such nonsense, most times.

But he’d wanted to give her time alone to face her demons. Confront her anger and bitterness. Face her family – as the woman she was – beautiful, independent, gentle and generous. To face them, to confront them. To forgive them.

He’d wanted her to do it on her own. Achieve this on her own. Without any pressure or persuasions from him. And from Kike’s call yesterday evening, she’d obviously done that and maybe much more, as she’d travelled back to Lagos in the company of her Aunt Maryanne.

She’d arrived Lagos. Refreshed and rested enough. But still, she hadn’t called.

Twenty-four hours after her return, she was still obviously waiting for him to be the one to call first. Women! How they love to tug and twist the inside of a man’s head, he shook his head.

Deciding to first finish up with this separating-the-wheat-from-the-tares task and then he’d storm her house and shake some sense into her.

Yeah, it would be for his own satisfaction… and yeah, it would also erase this yearning hunger deep within his heart.

UNBREAK MY HEART – EPISODE 26

“Don’t wait for other people to be loving, giving, compassionate, grateful, forgiving, generous, or friendly… lead the way!” – Steve Maraboli.

EPISODE TWENTY-SIX

The wake-keep seemed to have brought not only the many friends and business associates of Uncle Emeka from Enugu but also it appeared to have emptied the whole of Asaba into her family compound.

There were at least twenty canopies standing inside and outside the family compound. And yet, it had not at all been enough to contain the number of people – eating, drinking, dancing, talking and debating – at the top of their voices.

Every one of them, mourning Uncle Emeka in their own way. This was mourning as her people understood it, it was the wake-keep of a true son of the soil.

It didn’t matter that the death of this illustrious son of the soil meant there were no more sons or even any other child for that matter, in the home of Ike Chibuike. It didn’t matter that this death meant that a woman was left a widow with four children to cater for by herself.

It didn’t matter that numerous cousins like Aunty Ofunne and other relatives were left without a brother they’d loved and grown up with.

None of these mattered. The affluent wake-keep overflowing with so much to eat and drink and the sounds of good music was all that mattered, for it clearly showed that a great man was being rightly mourned and buried.

Valerie was desperately looking for a quiet place to get off her aching feet and get a little bit of rest. There was no going back to the hotel at this time of the night, actually morning, it was already past two a.m. last time she checked.

She opened the door of her grandmother’s bedroom gingerly, not really because she was expecting to see anyone inside but somehow force of habit made her open cautiously.

But her tired eyes widened with shock when she saw the crunched figure at the end of the well-laid bed, in the dimly lit bedroom.

Though her first thought had been, shut the door and run for your life, Valerie opened the door wider and in spite of her wildly, beating heart, stepped into the room.

The light flickered on and she had to stifle the wild scream from escaping her lips. “Aunty Maryanne!” She screeched. “O God, it is you.” She leaned against the door utterly relieved.

Maryanne laughed as she watched her niece try to calm her obvious runaway heartbeat. “Oh dear, did I scare you?”

“Not just scare me.” Valerie laid a hand against her breast. “You nearly had me running out the door screaming ‘ghost, ghost’.” She grinned as her aunt doubled over in helpless mirth. “It’s not every day one sees their grandmother rise from the dead and return to her old room.” She chuckled at her own wild imagination.

She strolled into the room, feeling not so tired after all. She’d been pleasantly surprised when Aunty Maryanne had arrived earlier in the evening to condole with the family. And it had kind of pleased her to have her there, helping out as they’d all worked together, cooking, cleaning and serving. She’d thought she’d left, but obviously she hadn’t.

“I thought you left.”

“No. I couldn’t, rather very late. Though Uncle Joe’s house is not so far away but they’d all have gone to bed by now.”

Valerie nodded. Watched as her aunt sat back on the bed, dusting off imaginary dirt from her navy blue lace caftan. She was nervous and Valerie understood why.

They hadn’t had time to talk again.

“I actually came in here for a quiet moment, maybe sleep a little.” Maryanne looked at Valerie with a nervous smile.

“Ha, it was a hectic night. Too many people.” She shook her head as if in disbelief. “A lot of money spent on simply burying the dead.” She mused. “I always wonder if it is at all necessary. Or just another way we express our weak humanity – a humanity that constantly seeks approval, with an insatiable need to bury our sorrows beneath gaiety.”

“And are they truly buried? Beneath all the gaiety?” Valerie drew closer to the bed, sat down. Absently wondering who kept this room so neat – no cobwebs or dusts.

Maryanne shrugged. “They are, aren’t they? I mean while we eat and drink or are even busy serving those eating and drinking, our sadness and broken hearts are pushed to the background. So maybe it works.”

“It never did for me, during Mama and daddy’s funeral or even when Jeff was buried just the next after the accident.”

Maryanne looked at the quiet sad eyes and sighed. “It didn’t work for me too.” She said quietly.

They were both lapsed into silence. Each remembering that beautiful woman that was the bond they shared. The bond they’d forever share.

“Mama never liked going for wake keeps and such.” Valerie broke the silence, smiling. “It always took daddy days, even weeks of pleading and cajoling to get her to attend one with him.” She chuckled. “And even then, they were sure to return way before midnight.”

Maryanne laughed. “She hated it even more when we were younger. While I sought every escape route to steal away to every wake-keep around the neighbourhood, she did everything she could to avoid even the ones we got invited to.”

Her brown eyes twinkled as she remembered. “She would always say to me – ‘Mary, a wake-keep is not a party or night club o‘ – I would always laugh and brush her off, talking her into covering for me, as I escaped the house and went off with my friends.”

Valerie joined her laughter. She could almost see the disapproving look in Mama’s eyes when she must have said that.

Maryanne sighed. “She’d been right too – wake-keeps have become a eating and drinking party with beats of high-life music helping the people club the night away.” She shook her head. “She always said she would not want such a wake-keep – just a simple service of songs and prayers.”

“And she got that – thanks to you and Uncle Joe.”

“No thanks to me.” Maryanne disagreed. “I was too overcome by grief. Uncle Joe took care of everything.” She looked at Valerie, her eyes misted. “Uncle Joe always asked of you. He would so love to see you.”

Valerie nodded. She would love to see her mother’s uncle once more. Look into his kind gentle eyes. He must be so old now. “I will see him tomorrow… later today.”

Maryanne inclined her head without saying a word. She simply looked down at her hands, lost in thought.

When Valerie touched her clenched fist, she jolted slightly.

“I am glad you are here. That you came.” Valerie said softly.

“I hoped you would come too. I am glad you did.” Maryanne responded in a low voice. “We all wronged you – every one of us did. We abandoned you, turned our backs on you.” Her voice cracked. She bit her lips to stop the tears from escaping.

“Yes you all did.” Valerie agreed her voice quiet, soft. “And it hurt and wounded me for a long, long time. It broke my heart, even my very soul. Like you all did, I blamed myself for their death. I could not let go, forgive myself.”

Maryanne shook her head. “No. No, it wasn’t your fault. You were… are not to blame. No one is.” She gripped

Valerie hands, squeezed hard. “Just fate. Inexplicable fate. We were wrong to have looked on you as the cause just because you survived that terrible accident.”

“For many years I wished I’d died too.” Valerie whispered in a broken voice. “If I had died with them, then we’d all be buried and I wouldn’t have been so alone.”

Maryanne cursed their selfishness and wickedness, their foolishness. Opening her arms, she enfolded Valerie within them.

“No, my dearest one, you were meant to live. I am glad you are alive. Having you here is like having a vital part of my sister. I was just too stupid, too scared to see it before. Forgive me. Forgive us, biko.”

Valerie allowed her tears to flow down and wet her aunt’s shoulders. She wasn’t really grieving her lost family, she’d finally come to accept their death.

She cried, not in grief for years of judgements, abuse, aloneness – those were all gone and in the past. And nothing no one did now, could ever bring them back or change them.

But she cried for relief, joy – now she can truly let go of the anger, the bitterness, the malice. Now maybe once again they can be a family… as much as will be possible.

They both spent the rest of the early hours of the morning talking, laughing, remembering old times and sharing new experiences.

And not for the first time since she left Lagos for Asaba, Valerie was grateful she’d come.

UNBREAK MY HEART – EPISODE 25

“Home isn’t a place. It’s a feeling.” – Cecelia Ahern.

EPISODE TWENTY-FIVE

Valerie gazed out the window, as they cruised through the small villages leading from Ore, where they’d stopped for close to thirty minutes for a bit of relaxation and feeding, towards Edo State.

She listened, absent-mindedly, to the quiet chatter among her fellow passengers with an amused smile on her lips.

The stop-over at Ore seemed to have roused and energised them. Most of them had either been sleeping, listening to music via their earpiece or had been deep in thought when they’d initially left the God is Good Yaba Park.

As their vehicle veered onto the Benin By-Pass, she mused on how much have changed since she’d first travelled these roads to join Aunty Maryanne in Lagos, more than fourteen years ago.

The roads were broader and looked better roads though still construction. There was an influx of eateries and fast food restaurants along the now busier highway especially at Ore. Even the By-Pass hadn’t been there all those years ago.

She sighed. Change. They say it is the only constant thing in life. How true.

Where she’d been a frightened teenager – alone, unsure, hopeful – heading towards Lagos, now she was a fully grown woman – independent, confident, realistic – leaving a city she’d learned to call home towards a place that had once been her home.

And if the little twists trailing through her tummy threatened to tighten their knots, she reminded herself that she had no need to fear, she was a grown woman now, no more a child and they couldn’t hurt her anymore, unless of course she allowed them to.

She turned to glance at man sitting beside her and sighed, his bald head was drooping again and heading for her left shoulder, crap!

Returning her gaze to the fast-moving vegetation, she pondered on Mama Bee’s words when she’d visited last night – ‘go to them. Look into their eyes, see their shame, challenge their judgements. Stand tall, do not cower. Not for them, for you – for your peace, your joy, your life. Let them see you come, not because you need or want them but because you are you.’

It was these words, gently yet firmly said that had forced her to pack a small suitcase that night and had prompted her call Kike to come drive her to the Park early this morning.

She hadn’t been surprised by the visit, just surprised that she’d not done so the day before or that morning when she had blatantly refused to go to work. But then again, Mama Bee wasn’t the type to hurry over anything, she mused.

She hadn’t even allowed her to vent, as she’d desperately wanted to. Just quietly and gently talked to her. Her voice soft, calm, firm and blunt. She’d told her that she either faced this now, or continue to allow it hinder her joy and stand in the way of any true happiness.

Life wasn’t a right, it was a privilege and everyone only got one chance at it. So why waste yours, she asked. Why allow these ghosts to haunt you forever?

She’d listened, really listened for the first time and knew deep in her heart that it was time. It was time for her to cast off this cloak of bitterness and anger and put an end to all the pain and recriminations. She needed to be free. She longed for it.

A passenger from behind her called out – ‘Isele-Uku junction’ – to the driver, causing Valerie to snap out of her reverie.

She shook her head to clear the woolliness as the vehicle slowed to a standstill while the Passenger who’d called out, got down. Opening the black tote handbag on her laps, she looked through it to make sure everything was in there, not that she thought something was missing, just an unconscious female gesture.

As they got back on the road, a slight feeling of apprehension crept around her heart, but she whooshed out a deep breath so as to dispel the feeling. She’d decided she’d check into a hotel, freshen up, before heading to the family house. After all it wasn’t like they were expecting her or that they’ll prepare a room for her… not that she’d want them to.

She was certain that she’d feel uncomfortable, completely ill at ease if she had to stay at the family house. She wasn’t really sure what the cost of a good hotel room would be, but with the money Mama Bee had given her, God bless her, through Kike that morning, and with the little she’d brought along and with her ATM cards neatly stashed in her purse, she supposed she really had nothing to worry about.

Less down an hour later, she was inside her hotel room, just having checked in. The cab driver she’d taken from the Coca junction had recommended it, said it was clean and good and not too pricey and he’d been right on all three counts.

She’d called Kike and told her that she’d arrived – safe and sound. And also Mama Bee and Mammy. But had squashed the temptation to call Nathan, heeding Mama Bee’s advice to wait until her return, then go see him to resolve their problem, face-to-face.

She’d half expected to hear from him, but since he hadn’t called all through yesterday and also today… so far, she was guessing she’d really hurt him and he was still mad at her.

What if she’d lost him? She wondered a little apprehensive.

Sighing, she picked up her suitcase and dropped it in the wardrobe, not bothering to unpack. She’d do that when she got back, if it was really necessary. What she needed to do now was to have her bath, change from her jeans and T-shirt and head for the family house while it was still day and leave all thoughts about Nathan and their fight until she got back to Lagos and can deal with it… sanely.

Valerie stepped into the busy Nnebisi road, grateful that the hotel was situated along the main and most important road in Asaba. It sort of made it easier to find her way around the city.

With a sense of nostalgia and sorrow she noted that her once familiar home town wasn’t so familiar anymore. The once small, slow town now bustled with people and cars obviously in a hurry to get here and there.

She stood by the road, waiting to flag down an empty cab, to convey her to the family house.

The teal just-below-the-knee dress she had on had been carefully chosen. It was simple enough to give her the casual air she strove for, yet classy enough for the urban sophistication she wanted to present. And the colour, a shade of her favourite colour, was to give her the boost and confidence she badly needed.

She stopped a taxi, bargained with the cab driver and got in.

Here goes, she thought, in a few minutes she’ll be dropped off in front of the house she once called our-family-house-in-the-village and see people she had once called family.

When the cab driver stopped in front of a stone-wall fenced house, she’d wanted to protest that this wasn’t the place she was going to, but a quick look around the surroundings told her that the changes she’d been observing all day hadn’t escaped her own home.

Getting down from the taxi, she paid the cab driver and bracing herself, walked towards the dark-olive iron gate.

The gate was open. Left open, she was sure so as to allow the free flow of people, coming and going. She greeted a middle-aged couple who were stepping out, as she entered the yard.

Her lips curved in a smile when she saw that not everything had changed.

The ancient stone-walled house that had been her grandmother’s home… and hers too after her parents’ and brother’s demise, still stood in the middle of the compound. And the four bedroom bungalow, built by her father, still stood at the left side of the stone-walled house.

But the duplex on the right-hand side of the house was a new one and without the slightest doubt she knew that that was Uncle Emeka’s house, or rather that had been his house. It looked grand and beautiful.

She quietly made her way towards the stone-walled house. There wasn’t anyone in sight, but she could hear voices coming from inside the duplex and possibly from behind it.

“Who is there?” A female voice called out from the far end of the duplex.

Valerie turned her head in the direction of the voice. A first glance told her it was Aunty Ofunne, her father’s cousin.

She took a deep breath, squared her shoulders and walked towards the dark complexioned, plump woman in traditional iro and buba.

Once she’d been one of the numerous nice and caring ‘aunties’ who’d surrounded them during her childhood, when everything had been perfect. She’d been a personal favourite of Jeff’s because she’d always made him laugh with her jokes and stories.

She hadn’t really been unkind or maltreated her after the accident, but there’d been a certain… distance. A wariness that had hurt just the same.

As she drew closer, Aunty Ofunne’s dim eyes widened with shock, disbelief.

“Adanna!” She called her by her native name, her voice a little awed.

Dropping the broom she had in her hand, she approached Valerie. “Adanna, is that you? Can this be my brother’s daughter? Standing here before my very own eyes?”

She was not a tall woman, so she had to throw back her head to look into the eyes of the child she’d once loved and cared for, a child she’d abandoned in her grief because of her fear, her judgement.

But it was not the eyes of a child that looked down at her. It was the eyes of a grown woman – a beautiful grown woman.

Aunty Ofunne felt her eyes mist. Ha, at last penance can be done, amends can be made.

She fell to her knees, raised her hands towards the heavens. “Ugonna.” She called out in a mournful voice. “Oh Ugonna, my brother, today you have shown me your forgiveness. By bringing your daughter back home, you have shown that you have forgiven us for our errors, for our costly mistakes. Thank you, my brother, thank you.”

Valerie stared at the old woman, addressing her dead father, searching her heart for the bitterness, the anger. But she couldn’t find any… just faint slash of something akin to compassion and pity.

“Aunty, please stand up.” She said, bending down to lift the woman up. “Stand up.”

Aunty Ofunne got to her feet, shaking her head from side to side in regret and self-contempt.

“Ha, my daughter, I prayed for this day. I prayed hard for this day to come.” She hissed, used the edge of her wrapper to wipe her brimming eyes. “We wronged you. We failed you. I failed your father. I dishonoured my brother, hmmm.” She sighed deeply. “Fear, superstition, anger, grief… they blinded us. They hardened our hearts.”

“It’s all in the past, Aunty Ofunne.” Valerie heard herself say. It surprised her, yet it was like… an affirmation.

A truth she should have acknowledged long ago – it was all really in the past. “It’s all in the past.” She repeated with more certainty.

“Ewo!” Aunty Ofunne exclaimed striking her hand against her breasts. “Hmmm, the daughter has grown up to become truly like the mother – so generous, so compassionate, so forgiving.” Her brimming eyes implored. “Adanna, would you please embrace a foolish erring woman?”

Valerie stiffened slightly, but a look into the misty, beseeching eyes, had her leaning down and wrapping her arms around the plump woman.

They remained like that for a moment, none saying anything. Both surprised by the healing, the warmth of their joined bodies could bring.

When they finally separated, Aunty Ofunne smiled for the first time. “Look at you, Adanna, almost as tall as your father was. Chei!” She marvelled.

Valerie laughed at the amazement in her voice. “You are looking well, Aunty. How are Amara, Okey and Vivian?” She asked, thinking how all grown up her cousins must be.

“Ha, those ones.” She sighed. “They should be around somewhere. I think Okey went out with John and Alex. Who knows where Vivian is, probably staring into some mirror.”

Valerie chuckled. “That I can believe, even as a little girl, you would always find her in front of the mirror.”

“Vanity.” Aunty Ofunne pronounced, shaking her head. “Anyway , how did you hear about the burial? That is why you are here, right? Nobody had any idea how to reach you. So how did the sad news reach you?”

“Aunty Maryanne told me.”

“Your mother’s younger’s sister?”

“Yes. She came over to my working place on Tuesday and told me.”

“And you decided to come? Just like that?” Aunty Ofunne still looked stunned.

Valerie heaved a sigh, gave a shrug. “Well, it wasn’t that simple… but I’m here now. And that is all that matters.”

Aunty Ofunne sighed deeply. “And that is all that matters.” She took Valerie’s hands. “Valerie, my dear child, you took the first step, you made the first move. You were the wronged one and we should have been the one seeking you out not the other way round.”

“Aunty, all that doesn’t matter anymore.” Valerie squeezed her Aunty’s warm hands.

“They do, my dear. There are a lot of things to be said and must be said but this is not the time.” Aunty Ofunne nodded her head sagely.

“But I just want you to know, that I quite understand that this was not an easy step for you – I don’t know where you found the generosity to come here like this – I can only say that it truly shows that you are indeed a daughter of your father and mother.”

She merely smiled at the praise.

“Welcome home, my daughter. Your Uncle’s wife and your cousins are inside there.” She pointed to the duplex. “Go in, see them. This same kindness and compassion you have shown to me, please extend to them.”

Valerie nodded, squeezing the woman’s hand, she marched off in the direction of the duplex.

UNBREAK MY HEART – EPISODE TWENTY-FOUR

“It is love alone that gives worth to all things.”- Teresa of Avila.

She was lying on the sofa.

She’d been lying there since she’d grabbed her handbag from the office and without a word to Kike, stormed out, got into a taxi and stomped into her apartment boiling with fury.

Her handbag was lying now on the bean bag, her shoes, kicked off and lying face down on the Persian rug.

She still hadn’t taken off her work clothes. She hadn’t drawn aside the curtains or switched on the lights, and turning on the TV was the last thing on her mind.

She just laid there on the sofa, seething with justified anger. Anger and grief.

A grief that had both surprised and overwhelmed her. A grief that had not only squeezed her heart but had also flowed through her eyes. She’d spent the better part of the first hour, sobbing into the sofa.

Her tortured heart awash with images of her parents and brother. Of Uncle Emeka and his family’s constant presence in their Port Harcourt home. Thoughts of fun-filled Christmas holidays at Asaba and other visits home had flashed before her eyes.

And remembering that Uncle Emeka had been her father’s only brother, her sorrow had deepened and her tears had flowed even more.

With her tears spent and her wracking sobs quietened, grief had been replaced again by anger. Distorted, raging anger that seemed to flow from the very depth of her soul. Boiling anger that engulfed her and burned away every good memory and left only memories of rejection, maltreatment, pain and hurt.

So death was a visitor in every home not just in hers alone, she mused, hands folded across a slow heaving chest. So sorrow and pain can visit Aunty Buchi and maybe chastise her?

Would she be accused of killing her husband? It was the way of her people – no one ever died naturally, someone had to kill them. She shook her head in disgust.

But wasn’t it even poetic justice, if she got accused and was made to swear? Hadn’t she literally done the same to an anguished ten year old child?

And if this was finally justice, were then was the pleasure that should accompany it? Why wasn’t her heart soaring in joy and satisfaction? Why were her eyes still stinging with tears?

She twisted her head sharply toward the door, at the sound of her doorbell. She stared at it angrily for a minute, having no doubt whatsoever that it would be Kike on the other side of the door.

Why couldn’t people just leave her alone when she desperately needed them to? She thought furiously. Heaving to her feet, she stalked to the door, switched on the lights as she turned the key.

Valerie flung open the door, set to brush Kike off and send her away. But whatever she’d been prepared to say stuck in her throat at the sight of Nathan standing at her door, grinning like he’d just won a lottery.

Irritated she placed her hand her waist, her head cocked to the side. “I wasn’t expecting you. I don’t recall you informing me of your visit.”

Nathan gave a flourish bow. “Forgive me for forgetting to call and book an appointment with your PA, an oversight on my part.” His tone was jocular.

Valerie ignored the joke. “Unfortunately I’m really busy, so you can’t stay long I’m afraid.” She said curtly, stepping back into the living room.

Nathan followed her inside. Kike had been right, her aunt’s visit had affected her badly. But it wasn’t a shocked and grieving lady that was standing in front of him, hands across the chest, eyes cool and indifferent, it was a woman boiling with barely restrained anger.

Deciding that the cooing and calming he’d planned would not only be scorned but also tossed back in his face. Tough love was needed here. The kind that was splashed on you, unsolicited and unexpected, like a bucket of cold water.

So ready for war, he said in a no-need-to-beat-about-the-bush voice. “Kike told me your Aunt Maryanne was over at the restaurant this afternoon to see you.”

The quick flash of surprise that sprang into her eyes, was instantly squelched. Of course Kike would have called him. No doubt she’d thought she needed a big strong shoulder to cry on. Well, she was wrong.

“Yes, she was. We chatted for some time. Remembered the jolly good happy times and then parted company.” Her I-can-take-care-of-myself tone was doused in sarcasm.

“A regular family reunion, huh?” He noted the impatience lurking beneath the cool gaze. She wanted him out, well she was in for some surprise. “I hear also that your Uncle Emeka has passed on and the funeral is billed for this weekend.”

She silently cursed the nosey Kike. “I see you’ve been given a detailed account of today’s events.” Her lips thinned in a tight smile. “Good. Right now though, I’m a little tired and have some things to get done before I head to bed.”

“So when are you leaving?”

“Leaving?” A baffled surprise had her dropping her hands. “Leaving for where?”

“Asaba I believe. That is where your Uncle would be buried I suppose.”

She stared at him, astounded.

He looked back at her, nonchalant.

“You expect me to go for Uncle Emeka’s burial? At Asaba?”

Ah, she wasn’t looking so cool and distant now. “Mmm hmm. I believe that is why your aunt visited, so you’d be informed and then you can travel home to sympathize with your aunt and cousins.”

She stared at him like he suddenly had horns sprouting out of his head. She was speechless.

“I suppose you’ll be leaving on Thursday since the wake keep is on Friday.” Nathan continued in the same conversational tone. “Unless of course you’d like to leave tomorrow? Though I do think …”

Shaking off whatever seemed to have seized her tongue, Valerie ground out through clenched teeth. “I don’t care what you think. Or what anyone else thinks for that matter.” Her eyes were starting to blaze. “I am not going for that burial – not tomorrow, not Thursday, not ever.”

“Well, I’m sure it’s one of those once in a lifetime kind of thing. So if you are not there by tomorrow or next, there’d be no need for not ever, as he won’t be buried ever again.”

His logical tone riled her and set off the rage she’d been holding back. “You think this is some kind of joke?”

“Nope. I think it’s really serious and I think you should seriously consider going.”

Valerie could bear it no more. Everyone seemed to have an opinion what she should be doing all of a sudden.

First it was Mama Bee thinking it would do her good to see her aunt. Then Aunt Maryanne thinking it was a good time for apologies and tears.

Now Nathan was here thinking she should seriously consider going for the burial ceremony of a man who had turned his back on her and sympathize with a woman who had made her very existence unbearable.

“How dare you?” She gasped in a voice that trembled with rage and fury. “How dare you come on here and tell me what I should do or not do? You think a few pecks and kisses give you the right to make such decisions for me?”

“No. I think my love for you gives me the right to request you consider making that decision yourself.” Nathan replied calmly.

“Nothing gives you the right to request or suggest or have a thought on this matter.” Valerie flung at him.

Nathan watched as she stalked to the sofa picked up the coffee-brown sofa pillow and flung it aside. Her entire body quivering visibly with rage. Deciding that this might take longer than he’d anticipated, he strode to the kitchen to find something to eat, he was hungry anyway.

“You think I should travel home to console my aunt for losing her husband when she never once said sorry to me for losing my father, mother and brother all in one evening?” Valerie raged, spurred on by the pain and anger that had been lurking within her heart.

Pain and anger that had sought restitution, that had sought justice, that had sought vengeance for more than two decades now.

“Does it even occur to you that these people might not want me there?” She demanded. “He’s been dead three weeks and no one bothered to contact me, to tell me.” Her voice cracked as she thought of that.

It wasn’t Aunty Buchi who’d contacted her or any of her cousins, but Aunty Maryanne spurred on by whatever guilt that was bedevilling her.

“And has it even occurred to you that maybe they didn’t know how to reach you or were maybe too ashamed to do so?” Nathan reasoned, raising his head from the inside of the creamy-white medium-sized refrigerator.

Valerie could not believe her ears. He was finding excuses for them? “No it hadn’t occurred to me. And quite frankly I’m shocked it has occurred to you.” She matched forward to stand at the kitchen door, looking at him through blazing eyes as he munched the fried turkey meat he’d found in her refrigerator.

“You think everything is about being a good Christian boy, a gospel singer… so you have to be always so good, so accommodating, so forgiving.” Her tone was derisive and insulting.

Nathan’s eyes narrowed as he watched her mouth turn up in disdain. “No I don’t. And I’m not – good, accommodating or forgiving.”

His tone was calm in spite of the hair rising behind his neck. And in spite of the tension creeping into his body, he took another bite of the fried meat in his hand. It didn’t surprise him, that it didn’t quite taste the same.

“This is not about being a good Christian boy.” He growled. “This is about you getting out of your self-appointed corner in the I-am-the-victim world you live in and getting off that self-pity horse you are riding on and really open your eyes to see that you are still a victim only because you want to be and that, it is not just you who is getting hurt here but also the people who truly love and care about you.”

Valerie’s eyes burned as his words slammed into her like a blast of hot air. “I am the victim. I was the one that lost not just her immediate family in one fell swoop but also lost my entire family. I was the one who was maltreated, rejected, abandoned, and forgotten.”

She watched as he nonchalantly chewed the fried meat and sudden fury engulfed her. She snatched the turkey platter from his hand. “And I am not riding on any self-pity horse. But even if I were, it wouldn’t be your business or anyone else’s for that matter.”

Slamming the platter on top the refrigerator, she stormed back into the living room.

Nathan bent and picked up the meat that fallen on the tiled floor. Dusting it off, he bit into it viciously, marching after her into the living room.

“And I never asked for your love or begged you to care for me.” Valerie threw over her shoulder. “You pushed your way into my life. So if you have a problem being in it, on my own terms, you just turn right back and get out through that door. I am sick of your sanctimonious bullshits. I don’t need you and I don’t need your love.”

Nathan grabbed her by the hand and twisted her around. “Don’t you dare take my gentleness for weakness or my love for granted.”

“And what will you do?” She goaded. “Punish me?”

Nathan swore roughly, then dragged her to him and slapped his lips on her own.

The kiss was thrusting, brutal and short.

“Don’t ever throw my love back in my face again.” His voice deathly quiet, his eyes frosty. “I don’t love you because you asked for it or you earned it.” He ground out. “You want to go for your Uncle’s burial ceremony, suit yourself. You want to sit here and languish in cries of woe and self-pity for the rest of your life, knock yourself out.”

Grabbing her hand he slapped the unfinished meat into her palm. “You call me when you decide.” He turned and stomped out of the apartment.

Valerie stared as the slammed shut after him, momentarily stupefied.

Then looking down on her opened palm, she howled wildly and flung the bony meat at the door.

Damn him! Goddamn everybody.

She stomped over to the sofa, flung her body into it and cursed violently when her head struck hard against the wooden arm of the seat.

“Damn it, where is that damn pillow?” She muttered viciously, her breath hitching as tears threatened once again.

UNBREAK MY HEART – EPISODE TWENTY-THREE

“Heaven has no rage like love to hatred turned”- William Congreve

More than a little fagged out, Valerie leaned back against her seat. Relieved to be back at the office after the Lunch hour send-forth party held at the Victoria Island office of the Alcon Group of Companies. She’d been the one in-charge of the entire catering job.

Heaving to her feet, she managed to slog to the water dispenser. As she sipped the water, she slipped into Kike’s seat, too tired to get back to her own. Laying down the disposal cup, she picked up the pure black naked wooden man on the desk, studying it with a frown.

It wasn’t really something one should place on an office desk. It was a naked man, albeit a distinctly muscled man, but still a naked man. But of course Kike being her naughty mischievous self, just enjoyed having it there.

She raised her head as the door creaked open and Kike strolled in.

“And what are you doing, dilly-dallying with my exquisitely-toned and well-proportioned African man?” Kike asked, leaning against Valerie’s desk.

“I wasn’t dilly-dallying with it.” Valerie denied, replacing it on the table. “I still consider it vulgar and unsuitable for an office table.”

“Ah, but suitable for the bedside table?” Kike smirked, recalling that Valerie had asked her to go keep it in her bedroom.

“Only if you get a kick out of such perverse displays… which I know you do.”

Kike chuckled. “Well, we are not all lucky to have the real thing… so we make do.”

“The real thing isn’t standing on my bedside table. Or in my bed for that matter.”

“Almost five months of dating and not yet in your bed?” Kike rolled her eyes dramatically. “Damn, I don’t know how you manage it. If I had a hottie like Nathan Abayomi-Phillips drooling all over me and firing up my insides, I hardly think I’d be able to resist dragging him into my bed.”

“Nathan doesn’t drool.”

“Ha, just fires up your insides then.”

As Valerie didn’t appear to be in any hurry to get up from her seat, she slid into hers. “I’d suggest a cry of distress while wearing the flimsiest, sexiest silk nightie.” She continued in a conspiratorial voice. “It will get him in there… and get you some.”

Valerie shook her head, her expression full of worry. “I’m beginning to worry about the state of your mind, Kike. You do know there’s more to life than…sex?”

“I know… I just can’t remember what else there is.”

Valerie laughed at the lustful, dreamy look. “You need Jesus.” She told her.

“I have Him.” She retorted with a petulant smile. “What I need is a man. A real man for a wild, hot night.”

Valerie chuckled in amusement as Kike fanned herself with her right hand, feigning hotness.

The door opened again and Mama Bee walked in. Their quick adjustments to appear serious and busy didn’t fool her a bit.

“You two do know that there’s more to life than talking about men and sex?” She asked matter-of-factly.

“Yes, having both.” Kike responded with a sassy wink.

Valerie giggled.

Mama Bee shook her head at Kike. “One of these days, my girl, that mischief-making mouth of yours is going to put you in big trouble.” Turning to Valerie she asked. “I’m sure the send-forth party went well?”

“Splendid. Everyone was taken care of and we packaged and handed over left-over chops and chicken to the Admin manager.” Valerie replied with a nod. “She sent her compliments.”

“Hmm, good.” Mama Bee inclined her head. “The compliments are for you, Valerie. And by the way, there’s someone here to see you.” She added, her gaze steady.

“Oh?”

“Yes.” She paused. “Your Aunt Maryanne.” She saw the flash of shock, and sighed. “She actually called me requesting to see you; I believe she thought you still stayed with me.” Mama Bee shrugged. “Anyway I asked her to come here instead.”

“I didn’t know both of you were in touch.” Valerie said quietly, eyes accusing.

“We are not. At least not until yesterday when she called.” Mama Bee rejoined calmly. “Said she still had my number from her last visit six years ago.”

“And what does she want?” Valerie could feel a slight bitter taste rising in her throat.

“I don’t know. But she’s waiting for you at the top dining hall and I suggest you see her.”

Valerie turned to Kike, her dark eyes were worried and sympathetic. “Have you been talking with her too?”

Kike shook her head. “No. I don’t even have her number. And I don’t think…”

“No one has been talking to her behind your back, Valerie.” Mama Bee cut in firmly. “I know how much these people hurt you, how much she hurt you, but… she’s here now and I think you should see her, listen to her.”

“After six years of no word?” Valerie frowned darkly. “After thirteen years of abandonment?”

Mama Bee sighed. “Go see her, Valerie, and hear what she has to say.”

Valerie looked from Mama Bee to Kike. Fine, they wanted her to go listen, why not, she can do that. Getting to her feet, she marched to the door and stalked out without another word.

“Mama Bee, what is going on?” Kike asked the second the door clicked shut. “Why is her Aunty here?”

Mama Bee exhaled deeply. “Her uncle – her father’s only brother died. Burial is this weekend.”

“And her Aunty is here to tell her because?”

“Because she should be there.”

“What!” Kike stared at her mother in disbelief. “This same man watched his wife maltreat his niece and throw her out of the house, and did nothing.” She protested vehemently. “And the prophet-of-doom Aunty out there, turned her back on her own niece because of her philandering husband.”

“Exactly.”

“Mama …”

“Exactly why I think she needs to see these people and confront these issues. Look at your best friend, Kike, do you think that she can ever have a happy life unless she truly resolves all these issues and let go of all these bitterness?”

Kike opened her mouth to tell her that Valerie didn’t need those traitors in her life, she had them. But a recollection of the angry, bitter look she’d seen in Valerie’s eyes earlier stopped her.

Raising worried eyes to her mother, she said instead. “You may be right. I guess she needs to confront these issues, to confront them. But I fear that this might hurt her all over again, push her back into the mire of bitterness, she’s trying so hard to get out of.”

“That’s why we are here for her.” Mama Bee smiled, giving her daughter a little squeeze on the shoulder. “We are here and will always be here for her.”

****

Valerie wasn’t exactly sure what she was feeling, but pleasant surprise wasn’t one of them, neither was anger or bitterness, to her surprise.

She’d felt the anger at first, that knee-jerk reaction when her past rears up its ugly head. But as she marched toward the restaurant’s dining hall, the anger was slowly being replaced by cold, steel strength.

She made her way toward the woman in Ankara skirt and blouse. Her light-brown eyes, so like her own, held hers… washed in guilt, and pleading.

Valerie watched as her Aunty, flustered and unsure, got to her feet. Something clenched inside her as she noted the fair skin, so like her mother’s. But it gave her perverse joy to see that the woman before her was looking way older than she should and somewhat haggard.

Maryanne Okonkwo, a little nervous under her niece’s stony stare, forced a bright smile. “Valerie, it’s been such a long time… how are you?”

Valerie slid into the burgundy coloured sofa. “I’m fine, thank you.” Her voice like her eyes, was stony. “And how are you and your family?”

Maryanne gave a nervous laugh as she resumed her seat. “The kids… em, they are fine.” She stammered. “Nonso just rounded off with his JSSCE. And Eva, her Common Entrance Exams. Annabel is still just in primary four.” She babbled, toying nervously with the glass of juice in front of her.

Valerie gave a stiff nod. She didn’t really know her cousins. Just met the first child, Nonso, seven years ago when he’d visited their restaurant at Surulere in the company of his mother.

Maryanne bit her lips. “Wow, this place is very different from the other place at Surulere – much bigger, classier.” She lifted up her glass, her hand shook as she took a sip. “You guys must be doing well.”

“We are.”

“You don’t still have the restaurant at Surulere, do you?”

“No we don’t.”

Maryanne nodded. Expelled a shaky breath, striving to calm her nerves. Valerie’s cold, short responses didn’t surprise her at all, she’d expected it. It was no less than she deserved.

She tried again. “You must wonder why I’m here.” She gave a tentative smile.

“You mean you are not just here to discuss the beauty and progress of the restaurant?” Valerie’s voice was cool and sarcastic.

Maryanne laughed nervously. “God, you sound so like your mother just now – when she’s being sarcastic.” Shuddering, she looked at the beautiful woman sitting in front of her – cold, hard, unrelenting.

And she remembered the laughing, eager child who’d looked up to her, the shattered, wounded teenager who’d needed her. God, what had she done?

“I am so sorry.” She whispered, eyes misty as they implored. “I am so very sorry.”

Valerie stiffened. Something hard twisted within her. “You are sorry? For what?”

She saw the tears swim in her aunt’s eyes, and somehow she felt betrayed. Now she can cry? Plead? Hadn’t she done the same thirteen years ago? Begged her to believe her and not her evil, perverted husband?

Now she wants to play the victim with her crocodile tears. Boiling anger drove through her like a rampaging volcano.

“Tell me… Aunty, what are you sorry for? – For choosing to believe your husband instead of your seventeen year old niece, hmm? Her eyes blazed with fury. “For accusing her of seduction, instead of protecting her from abuse? For throwing her out of your home with no hope of where else to go?” Her lips curled in disdain. “What are you sorry for, dear Aunty?”

“For all of those and more.” Maryanne replied, tears slipping down her cheeks. “For allowing my weak love, my self-centeredness, shallow pride blind me to my responsibility toward my own niece.”

Maryanne’s voice was low and anguished. But the bitter anger and malice that squeezed Valerie’s heart hardened against any form of compassion.

“I begged you to believe in me, to defend me.” She spat out through clenched teeth. “But you ignored me. You chose to believe a man you saw trying to force himself on me.”

“And I will never forgive myself for that despicable, weak judgement.” Maryanne’s voice was filled with self-contempt. “I saw the signs and yet denied them. Refused to believe them because I was too scared to believe what I’d really seen. Too afraid to be left alone.”

“You were scared of being left alone?” Valerie demanded, her tone contemptuous. “And what about me? I was left alone to fend for myself on the streets of Lagos – a seventeen year old teenager! I had to beg to feed and survive, until a woman saw me and hired me as her shopkeeper. I had to save every dime I made, to buy a form and apply for admission.”

Maryanne allowed the contempt and condemnation to sear through her, wound her, punish her. She deserved even worse.

Valerie pushed back into the sofa, drew a deep breath to stop her tirade. “Anyway, all that is water under bridge. I’m just surprised he permitted you to come see me? Or did you steal away from home… lie so as to come here?”

Like her contemptuous tone, her sneering voice cut deep. But Maryanne merely laughed. “No.” She shook her head. “I didn’t have to hide or lie… I didn’t need his permission. I’ve left him.”

Valerie sat up, surprise clearing the disdain in her eyes. “Oh.”

“Yes, I finally found the courage to do what I should have done years ago.”

“Why?”

Maryanne’s hoarse laugh was short and derisive. “He impregnated my maid and was accused of abusing my neighbour’s teenage daughter.”

She shook her head in self-derision. “It wasn’t the first of such accusations. He’d been accused of molesting teenage girls in the neighbourhood, but it was the first time any of the girls had been just thirteen.” She picked up her juice with shaky hands and gulped.

Valerie wasn’t entirely surprised – a leopard never changes its colours – she wasn’t surprised… but she was hurt.

“It took him abusing and impregnating a thirteen year old to convince you he was a paedophile? So what if she’d been sixteen, or maybe seventeen, you’d have ignored it and continued living with him?”

“I don’t know.” Maryanne replied in a weary voice. “I don’t know. I don’t excuse my actions or try to justify them… I failed you. I was weak and stupid.” She met her scornful gaze.

“But after the Easter celebrations last year, when this happened, I just knew I couldn’t lie to myself anymore or expose the kids to such behaviour… so I left.”

She stretched out her hand to take Valerie’s, but if her quick withdrawal hurt her, she didn’t show, only simply smiled. “And in the past one year I’ve been seeking the courage to come ask your forgiveness.”

“I see.” Valerie sat up straight, cold aloofness returning to her eyes. “Well, I see you finally found that courage. If you don’t mind, I’ve a lot of work on my table and would like to get back to it.” She made to get up.

“Your Uncle Emeka’s death gave me the opportunity and the courage I’ve been seeking.”

“Uncle Emeka is dead?” Her eyes widened in shock.

“Yes. He’d been sick – cancer I was told – he died three weeks ago and his wake-keep and interment is billed for this weekend.”

Valerie stared at her aunt for a minute without a word.

Then rising to her feet, she strode stiffly out of the slowly filling hall, oblivious to the pain and remorse that filled Maryanne’s eyes as she watched her walk away.

UNBREAK MY HEART – EPISODE TWENTY-TWO

The car sped smoothly along the traffic-free Third Mainland Bridge.

Nathan looked at the lips-compressed figure in black jeans and a silk ruffle-neck blouse and grimaced.

She’d been this way since they’d left the Race Course Arena a few minutes back. Only responding in mono-syllables when he’d tried breaking the puzzling silence.

He’d picked her up much earlier for the Gospel Music Ministration Concert which had kicked off by seven p.m. She’d been totally excited then – all chirpy and beaming. Thrilled that she was going to meet Lara George, Samsong and Frank Edward.

And all through the blend of roof-shattering praise songs and soul-searching worship tunes, she’d either been jumping and dancing or simply singing along from her position just close to the stage.

But somehow she’d gone quiet when he’d started on his last song for the night – Let go, and Let God. He threw her another look, wondering if the lyrics had touched a chord. It was the only explanation he had for her sudden sullen silence.

He loathe to break the silence, yet he just couldn’t abide her surliness much longer.

“The concert must have been powerful, to have rendered you so… speechless.” His tone was jocular.

“I guess you could say that.” Valerie replied frostily.

At least monosyllables were slowly turning into longer sentences. “And it obviously sparked up your mood.” He remarked in a sardonic tone.

Valerie fumed, irked by his tone. What did he want, a goddamn eulogy?

“I’m sorry if you find me unappreciative, I’m just tired I guess.” She responded stiffly.

Tired my ass, Nathan thought irritably. She wasn’t tired, she was sulky and grumpy. And he was fast losing his patient. Deciding that they’d be safer having the argument she was spoiling for at her apartment, he returned his attention to the road, driving the rest of the journey in the brittle sullen silence.

Some couple of minutes later, he swung into the sidewalk by her building, and turned off the engine.

Valerie turned to him. “Thank you for a nice evening, I’ll call you tomorrow. Goodnight.” She said in a cool, haughty voice.

Nathan stared mouth-agape as she got down and marched to her gate. Unbelievable! Did he just get dismissed? He felt his temper rise. Pushing open the car door, he jumped down.

She was opening the side jam-locked gate, when she noticed him marching toward her. She scowled, couldn’t he see she wanted to be left alone, for heaven’s sakes?

“It’s not necessary to see me to the door.” She said sparing him a glance, voice frosty and snooty.

“Just open the gate, Valerie.” Nathan retorted, his tone equally frosty.

“I hardly think your car is safe out here on the street, this late at night.”

“I’m sure it can survive a few minutes alone without falling into desperate hands.” Nathan pushed open the gate. “After you.” He gestured with his hand.

Valerie stepped in, lips firmed into a thin line. She locked the gate and without another word, stomped upstairs toward her apartment.

She marched into the living room, leaving the swinging door to slam into Nathan’s face.

It hit him on the head. “Goddamn it.” He swore. ‘What the hell is the matter with you?” He demanded, furiously rubbing his forehead.

“Don’t you dare swear at me.” She screeched, flinging her handbag dramatically on the sofa. “And nothing is the matter with me.”

She knew she was acting childish and spoilt but for some pervert, incomprehensible reason, it delighted her.

“Don’t give me that nothing bull shit.” Nathan bellowed, letting go of the fury simmering inside of him.

“And don’t you dare shout at me.” She yelled back, standing hands akimbo, eyes blazing. “You’ve seen me to the door, now if you don’t mind I’d like to head to bed.” She added petulantly.

“By God, you are trying my patience, Valerie.” Nathan warned, heaving out a hot breath. “And I didn’t come up to see you to the door.” He rasped out, trying to strap in his temper. “I came to find out what the hell happened at the concert to put you in such a bitchy mood.”

“How dare you call me a bitch!”

“I didn’t call you a bitch.” He retorted, more than a little exasperated. His head was beginning to pound from where she’d slammed the damn door into it. “I said your mood was bitchy.”

“And that isn’t the same thing?”

God give me patience, he prayed silently expelling a hitching breath.

“That isn’t the issue here.” He gritted through clenched teeth, watching as her eyes sparked fire and brimstone at him. And wondering why in some odd perverted way, he was aroused by it. “The issue is – what is going on? What happened to put you in this…” Her eyes narrowed menacingly, “… totally irritating and annoying mood?”

“And I have told you a dozen times – NOTHING.”

“Girl, I know all about that female nothing drama and I am having none of it.” Nathan retorted sternly.

Realizing that this was probably going to take longer than he’d expected, he headed to the kitchen. His now pounding head needed some ice.

Valerie stared stupefied as he trudged into her kitchen. What the heck! Now he’s going to swagger around her flat and do whatever he liked? Well, she’d had enough.

“Fine. Suit yourself. When you are done strutting round my apartment, see yourself to the gate. Here, take the key.” She threw the key on the centre table, it clattered on the glass top. “I’m going to bed. Goodnight.”

Nathan watched as she flounced off through the side door, obviously heading to her bedroom. He felt conflicted. He wanted to dash after her and shake some sense into her, or maybe out of her, but he hesitated.

In the four months they’d been dating, he’d never really been in her room, and he wasn’t sure it was appropriate right now. Appropriate be damned, he decided tossing the blocked water sachet into the sink, he was going in there, and knocking some sense into her if he had to.

He marched toward the curtained door and wham, he slammed right into her.

Valerie shrieked, pushing aside the curtain furiously, clutching her chest. “Where the heck were you heading to?” She demanded in a furious voice.

“To grab you and shake or knock some sense into you.”

“Really?” Her hands dropped to her waist and her light-brown eyes narrowed into slits. “And how did you plan to do that?”

Nathan eyed her menacing stance, rubbing his hand against his throbbing temple. “Valerie, for heaven’s sakes, would you just tell me what upset you in my last song?”

The quiet exasperated tone only infuriated Valerie the more. “What makes you think it’s your song that upset me?” She spat out through clenched teeth. The utter conceit of the man. It had to be something about him that had upset her.

“Becau…”

“Because you are Nate Phillips and my life begins and ends with you?” She interrupted in a snooty voice.

Nathan merely arched a brow, so it’s Nate Phillips now, great.

“Or is it your – You are broken by revulsion and malice; You crave restitution and justice?” She maimed his lyrics in a sneering tone. “Bah” She waved her hand in dismissal, marching into the kitchen with a toss of her shoulder-length weaves.

She flung open the refrigerator and drew out a half-empty bottle of chardonnay.

He watched with amused dark eyes as she got out a glass and poured herself a shot, then tossed it down in a single gulp.

Valerie poured another shot, but didn’t immediately toss it down this time. Instead she picked up the glass and pointed it to him, twirling the drink.

“What the hell do you know about craving restitution and justice, huh?” She demanded in a self-righteous tone. “What do you know about malice?”

“Enough to know that waiting and longing for apologies and maybe some kind of poetic justice would never bring it.” He responded quietly.

His quiet calm voice sliced through her, cutting deep. She slammed the glass on the slab and stomped back into the living room.

“How would you know?” She cried. “What right have you to judge me?”

He heard the anger and pain in her voice. ”I wasn’t judging you… it was just a song about letting God heal the pains we carry around with us, because only He can.”

“Oh yeah?” Her bitter eyes sneered at him. “Of course you were just singing… singing from your wealth of experience I bet.”

She walked up to him, lips pursed, eyes narrowed and taunting. “Tell me, Mr. singing Nate Phillips, have you ever had your whole life changed in the twinkle of an eye?” She poked him on the chest, with her forefinger. “No? Or maybe you’ve had what is left of your family turn against you and treat you like some evil plague?” Another poke. “Still no? Then it must be your experience in being ostracized, hated, abused and abandoned, right?”

Nathan caught her finger as it made for his chest again and pushed it down. “No. Those are not my experiences.” He responded, eyes cool, voice quiet. “They are your experiences.”

He saw again the flash of anger and pain in her brown eyes. “But I’ve got my own experience. I too was abandoned by a family who should have provided for and protected their late brother’s only child and young widow.” His cool eyes darkened, his voice roughened. “I was also thrown out of my father’s house, together with a mother who had no choice but to return heartbroken and shamed to her own home.”

He took a step forward and poked her on the chest.

Valerie stepped back, taken aback.

“I have my own experiences. We all do, Valerie. It is what we call life.” His voice was hard but his eyes had glints of compassion flickering in them. “It happens to the best of us and in varied proportions. And happening, it kills the light within us and instils a darkness that drowns us in its depth and mire.”

“And these big experiences give you the right to sing to the rest of us, like some self-righteous hero?” Valerie demanded, wanting to hurt because of the pain gnawing inside her.

“No. But learning to forgive, and finally succeeding to put it all behind me, makes me that self-righteous singer.”

She ignored the sardonic grin. “And I’m a bad guy because I won’t go running to them, to offer them my wholehearted forgiveness?” She spat out. “Even when they are not asking for it?” Her voice was hitching now, quivering with deep-seated anger and pain.

He gently touched her wet cheek, she pushed his hand. “Forgiveness is to set you free. You do it for you.”

She swung to the sofa. “Just like that? They just get a free pass?” She bit her lips hard to stop the tears threatening to fall. “They get to be set free without any restitution?”

“They can’t give you restitution, Valerie.” Nathan said softly. He sat down beside her, took her hands, held on when she tried to wrench free. “And you get to be set free. It’s all about getting closure and some peace.”

He leaned forward, tenderly kissed her brimming defiant eyes. “It’s all about finally letting go of this pain, this deep wound.” He looked into her eyes. “I’m not saying it’s all going to happen like some big miracle. It will take time, but it’s best to start now – the healing process.”

Valerie looked at the dark eyes brimming with love, compassion, tenderness and understanding. And sighed. “It’s hard.”

“Yes, it is. But you can do it – one step at a time.”

Valerie doubted she was capable of ever letting go, of ever forgiving them… they’d nearly destroyed her. But she didn’t want to linger on the issue any longer. She just wanted it forgotten.

So giving a half smile, she said. “Okay, I guess I can try.”

Nathan smiled tenderly. “And I know if you try, you can do it. I believe in you.” He gave her a lingering kiss. “I love you.”

Valerie glowed under his loving gaze. “I guess we officially just had our first fight.” She said in a teasing voice.

“Yeah, my pounding head is a sure sign of it.”

She giggled. “Your poor head.” She touched him gingerly on the forehead. “Looks like I nearly bashed it. Does it still hurt?”

“Like a bitch.” He teased.

Her face crinkled in laughter.

“Christ, you are mean when you fight.” He blew out a hot breath. “Scary.”

“Poor baby.” Her eyes twinkled with mischief and laughter. “I bashed your head and scared you… aww, maybe I can kiss it better?” Her cool lips caressed his forehead.

It was just a light stroke, but it sent tremors slithering down his spine, Nathan shut his eyes allowing the sensation to flow through him.

She drew closer, brushed her lips over his slightly parted lips.

Nathan felt her moist, cool lips caress his. A single, tentative gentle stroke.

Then it became more curious – tasting, teasing, linking. It was like she was trying to know him. It was unexpected. It was heady.

He felt his lips part, whether of their own volition or because she’d probed them open, he wasn’t entirely sure. He just felt the deep thrust as her tongue entwined with his own. She bit him lightly on the lower lip.

Nathan groaned. It wasn’t just tremors rustling through him now. Giant earthquakes were gyrating through him, vibrating as they coursed through his veins. Her hands had walked their way round his neck and were sending shivers swishing through him, as they stroked and scratched – gently, lightly.

He allowed his arms to go round her waist and holding her in place, enjoyed the quivering sensations before untwisting his tongue – regretfully, reluctantly – from hers.

He groaned deeply, shook his head. “I’m a sick, sick man, Valerie. I need my head examined. But I just can’t help but believe in exchanging the vows before tearing down all barriers and just… letting go.”

Valerie leaned forward, kissed him lightly on the lips. “You are a truly amazing man. And much as I would like to tear down all those barriers and just let go… I’m kinda glad to wait, too… thanks to your impressive willpower.” She winked.

“No thinking there must be something wrong with this man? Am I sure he’s capable?”

“Oh I’m sure you are capable alright.” She allowed her eyes to slid downwards, arching her brows at the still visible rise against the black pants.

Nathan chuckled, a little embarrassed, yet roused by her bold gaze.

“I got to say, I’m lucky to have me a gorgeous man with such restrain and honour.” Her eyes were teasing as she grinned at him.

Nathan laughed. Taking her hand, he got up and walked with her to the door. Opening it, he turned and softly planted a kiss on her forehead. “Let’s see if the neighbourhood masters managed to keep their hands off my car. I’ll call you when I get home.”

He walked through the door, tossing across his shoulder as he marched down the stairs. “Just so you know, it’s real hard being a man of restrain and honour.”

Valerie laughed, biting her lips she shut the door.